literature

Dear Heichou.

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Dear Heichou.

Is that your real name? - I am having trouble believing it is, then again, you could be from literally anywhere and that makes me sound really ignorant, so. I'll accept that as your name. Anyways. Hello, How are you? Is that a good question to write to you in my first letter? I hope it is, because otherwise i'm not sure what to say. I'm being real here, I have no clue what I'm doing.

My therapist says I should look into getting a pen pal. And by therapist I mean my actual therapist. She said If i didn't start talking to .. someone. Anyone, she wouldn't write a letter of recommendation to let me out of the Shiganshina Country State Ward. - That's a big bomb to drop on my first letter to you. My mom used to say to lay on them at the start, that way the go before you get attached. - Okay, it was actually a huge misunderstanding. I was defending myself. And it was the other asshole who brought the knife into the group home in the first place. - Anyway. I didn't mean to stab him. Just like i'm pretty sure he didn't mean to tell the narc's about my habit of hurting myself. Dumb shit. - Whatever, they set me up with a nice lawyer and got me to plead PTSD and manic depression, so they threw me in this crazy house. (Which i'm not.)

But then, i think about it, and I probably wont even need the recommendation because I turn 18 in a few weeks, and Then I can legally check myself out of the shithole. And I wont have to go back to that literal hell they call a group home. - This is depressing. I'll start with something else. My name Is Eren Jaeger. I'm 17 (Not for long.) I live in the U.S. (I was born in Germany but my dad took my mother and I over here when I was four) I'd much rather be there, trust me. - What do I like? - I like to skateboard, I guess. I have one of those, and I guess i'm kind of good at drawing. (I'm more than kind of but I don't want to be too honest.) Alot of people back at the home say that I have anger issues. Like Jean. (the guy I accidentally stabbed.)  I can't tell you how many times I've heard him say that I am crazy. (I'm not.) I guess stabbing him adds fire to the flame. (whatever, it's not like i'm going to see him again..) I have a sister, Well, she was adopted when I was little. After we got thrown into the system though, she was sent to a girls group home, (It wasn't co-ed.) I actually think someone took her in. I had called over to the other one a few weeks back and they told me that she got placed. (Which a teenager getting placed is kind of rare.) Whatever.

I think I have to have things about me that aren't depressing.. Um. I know! I'll tell you what I look like? Well I have brown hair. Im 170 CM. Well, when i'm in here I have to wear hosptial clothes, but I have normal clothes. It's really just Jeans and regular shirts. Fuck, this is hard. I have two different colored eyes, though. I could talk about that. - It's called heterochromatic. One eye is a green color and the other color is a yellow. But I also have to wear glasses, so most people don't notice it.. Everyone really likes it, but I don't because it gives me massive headaches..

OH I COULD TALK ABOUT MY BIRTHMARKS. I have two of them. One on the back of my neck - It tingles a lot. Especially when i'm sleeping. I also have one around my arm. It's around the bicep, and it actually looks like it's been ripped the hell off. It's why I never wear tanks. Sometimes that one hurts. Like, really bad. There will be times where I wont be able to sleep because of the pain, but my dad used to be a doctor, and he found a perfectly fine arm there. So- that's whatever. I live with it. Anyway, my mom said that they were marks from my past life. I always said that i was probably a douche in my past life because they're ugly and they hurt. Whatever.

I want to know things about you. Is your name Heichou? Where are you from? Do you speak english? Do you even know what this message says? - Wait, no it says you did speak english on the match up for the penpal site.. Hm. Well, i'll move on with my questions. Are you married? What is you gender? ( I'm a male, if that matters?) What are your views on homosexuality. (I'm gay, i thought I should probably tell you that since a lot of people hate it.) Uhm, what are you views on politics? (I really don't care about them.) What's your favorite color? Animal? Do you have pets? Do you like pets? Can you speak another language? What do you do for fun? Are you an introvert, or an extrovert? Do you care about those things? Do you have a lot of friends? do you have siblings? How old are you? Are you old? Young? Middle? Do you have allergies? A life-changing disease? What video games do you like? Do you like video games? What's your job, and if you are too young for a job, what level of schooling are you in? Do you go to school? Wow, I'm getting personal. - You see, days in here are lonely, and we're only allowed about 20 minutes of restricted internet time a day. (I'm using that to write to you so I can get out sooner, hopefully. But I would like to get to know you.)

Anyway, I should head out. I like to get to the cafeteria early so i'm not stuck with the shit food for dinner.

Bye.

Eren.

PS. If you don't reply, that's fine. Don't feel obligated to reply because i'm a nutcase. I hope you have a semi-okay day.



Dear Eren.

Wow. When I logged onto this site, i wasn't expecting to read a mail that deep. I know it's shitty and fucked up to say, but i'm sorry you have to deal with shit. And talk about making a dude feel awkward, how do I follow up to a letter to that. And how am I supposed to just ignore that message. Lord kid, you don't know society, do you? - Whatever, It's not like i'm doing anything better with my time. I'll indulge it. And I guess you could be way more annoying.  

l!k3 at least u dnt tlk lke dis.

I feel regret even typing in those words. Hard to believe it, but I have a colleague who does text and e-mail like that, and I want to kick them in the face violently.

But shit man, you're young, and you've dealt with so much crap. Then again, I cant say much. When I was your age I was plotting to throw myself off the tower bridge. -Theres the answer to one of your questions, I live in London. - Well, I was born in London, my mother and my father were both born in Paris and grew up there, and met while they were on a holiday. They ended up moving there, and I lived there until I was 10, and I moved back to France with my father after my mother ran out. When I turned 16 I moved back to London, where i've been living ever since. (Minus the two years when I was 18-22 where I lived in the US with a friend.)  I am fluent in French.  And i'm 24

And, my name is not heichou, that's just my screen name. (I figured you'd get that since i put Screen name: Heichou. Are all American's lacking logic? Moving on. Don't put yourself down too much about stabbing someone. I've stuck quite a few dumbasses in the hospital on quite a few occasions, though I can't say I've ever used a weapon on them. (Well, Technically. I did kick someone's jaw when I had steel-toed boots on, did that count? Yes? No? Whatever. - I've spent time in a jail in both London and in San Francisco, and i've felt like a mental patient, so can it be the same thing? - Probably not, i thought everyone else was nuts and I've wanted to violently maim someone in the process.  

Let's see, I work as a graphic designer, I make shitty websites for shitty businesses that don't deserve my work at the price the company charges. But I get to come in at whatever time I want and I get to leave at whatever time I want, as long as I get the piece of shit done by my deadline, so I guess that's okay. I have a cat, her name is Zoe. A friend of mine found her and named her, because I wouldn't name anything after my own last name, but she sure as shit did, so that's whatever.

I guess you can call me an Introvert. I don't really like people, at all, and I do my best to avoid them. (It always ends bad.) And people say I have a resting murderer face, so people tend to stay clear of me anyway. I like the colour green, I guess. I tend to have a lot of Green shirts. Do you have a favourite colour? - I don't play video games, but when I was a kid I kicked ass a tetris. I think that counts. - I don't have anything against homosexuality. In fact I have a touch of gay myself. (Don't put a label on me. I'll kill you.) I have about.. three friends? If you can count them friends. I'll go better with acquaintances. I go into the office when I can, I leave as soon as I can, and I stay inside and do whatever.

I joined this site because of my lawyer. He told me if I didn't socialize more and get better people skills then i'd look shitty when I go up against the judge in a few months, because there not much keeping me from being locked up for a long period of time. That's the only reason why i even considered a penpal. I'm not going to lie and say that it's something different. Because in actual reality I don't do anything if it's not for my benefit.

Kid, all I can say is keep your head up. In this cold world, the only person you can rely on is yourself. You can't rely on your family, or your social worker, your lawyer, or your closest friend. Always remember that. But from everything you've been through, i'd say that you already know that.

I'm going to go to sleep because its 3 AM and I haven't slept in days.

My name is Levi. It's nice to meet you.

xx  
Long distance relationships are hard. 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUANdF…

 

A/n: I had a story going on ao3, but my dumbass deleted it, and crystal goes NOOOOOOOOO WE HAD SO MANY PLANS and im all, eh i felt so sad i deleted it after i got so far, and i got quite a bit of attention on it! - But i used it as an opprutunity to start it over, and go in a total other direction, with the same overall theme. Anyway, That's a thing. 
This fic is going to deal heavily with self destruction and drug use, along with ptsd and alot of emotional trauma. So, if i write anything really heavy, i'll post the trigger warnings. <3 I hope you enjoy! 
© 2015 - 2024 minku-sama
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